Saturday April 30, 2011

I wake up and the only thing on my mind is the casino and how i want to gamble and the mistakes I made at the table. When i had $120 and AK suited I should have bet hard on the flop. I would have taken the pot, made myself even for the night, and could have put the $200 back in the bank. Those thoughts will be around for a while, but as I can’t play I won’t be able to go to the casino and convince myself that the next time will be different. I am driving at work today and will make some of the money back. I also plan on putting my bike for sale and hopefully someone will buy it and give me more breathing room.

I also am driving three days next week, am expecting a paycheck from Bethel Park and will get paid on Friday at Vocelli’s. In a week’s time I should be at least temporarily stable.

My recovery took a bit of a setback today as Angela quit. I won’t be driving anymore so I will lose approximately $150 in income this week. I do have about $100 from today to deposit and the check from Bethel should arrive on Monday.

Angela quitting is a big disappointment to me. I thought we were friends, or she at least liked me a little but apparently not. I hear she was interviewing for jobs so maybe this was already in the works. I have not been this upset since Blue died. Next Monday I will see the VA Psychologist and hopefully will go back on the anti-anxiety pills. Even if this happens the questions regarding jobs and money and living situation remain.

After eating dinner, I felt better and had started to not take Angela quitting so seriously, but now that I am awake (Sunday morning) I am upset again.